Post by Jude on Dec 10, 2009 22:47:44 GMT -5
people keep hitting on me and asking me out... on myspace of all places. and it got me thinking about dating. it's weird. i don't particularly want to date anyone. BUT... but when i think about people i would date, i think of adam. is that fucked up? i mean, i'm not all 'in love' with him, but he's the kind of person that i wouldn't be quite as afraid of. it's true that i am a bit afraid. i'm afraid that i'll hurt someone by rejecting them for stupid reasons. i couldn't ever let myself date someone who reminded me of my dad. i can't feel that horrible ... god i can't even think of words for it. i can't feel that again. that sick twisted feeling of being used... of not wanting ever to be touched again. and someone like adam... someone pretty and young and clean... someone with such a sweet smile and such a heart... i could trust someone like that. but he's almost unreal, you know? those elegant little people that you never really see... and besides, if i ever did find someone i could be with, i'd be afraid of them anyway. so there's really no point in even fucking with it. i'm not sure why i'm thinking about this. i'm not even lonely this time...
